When we look back, how do we remember the adult who influenced us the most? As someone who encouraged us by saying “you can do it,” or as someone who constantly dampened our enthusiasm, perhaps projecting onto us the things they could not achieve in their own past? When it comes to the development of young people, the influence of adults usually moves back and forth between these two extremes. Whether positive or negative, whichever side it falls on, this influence continues to shape people’s lives, both in the past and in the present.

Youth is defined as the ages between 15 and 25 by UNESCO, and between 12 and 24 by the United Nations. In Türkiye, the age range of 12–24 is also accepted as the “youth period.” During this time, a person tries to figure out who they are and what they want to do in life. These are the years when the mind is most confused, and perhaps when the likelihood of making wrong decisions is at its highest.

It is precisely during this process that a young person’s greatest fortune—or misfortune—is the adults around them. The way our families, teachers, or other adults in our lives approach us and guide us affects who we will become and how our personality takes shape far more than we tend to realize.

The relationship between parents, how much attention they give to the young person, the personality and educational approach of teachers during school years, whether there is someone in the young person’s life they can take as a role model… All of these are among the main factors that influence a young person, and many more examples could be added.

I mentioned that this period is a challenging one that confuses young people; therefore, the possibility of making mistakes is quite high. At this point, how a mistake is responded to becomes extremely important. When a young person makes a mistake, if an adult immediately gets angry, punishes them, or shames them by saying “I told you so,” this can push the young person toward hiding things and lying. A young person who fears reactions avoids taking risks, loses self-confidence, and this can lead to deeper problems that they may spend a lifetime trying to undo. Approaching the situation not with harshness but with questions like “How can we fix this?” or “What did you learn from it?” helps build a solid relationship between the adult and the young person. As a result, the young person’s self-confidence grows and their sense of responsibility develops.

There is also the very common mindset in our culture of “What will people say?” and the factor of “the neighbor’s child.” Focusing on what others are doing instead of paying attention to what the young person wants, acting according to certain social norms, and constantly comparing them to others are among the frequent mistakes parents make. What should not be forgotten here is that the conditions of an adult’s own youth cannot be the same as those of today. Even if people live in the same country, the society they experience is different.

Consistency between words and actions is also critical for young people. Do what adults say and what they do actually align? If there is a clear mismatch between the two, the adult’s authority may be undermined. When an adult gives advice to a young person but behaves in the exact opposite way, it is only natural that the young person will not take that advice seriously.

In conclusion, many more reasons, factors, or suggestions could be listed. The main responsibility of adults is not to force young people into a single mold, but to offer them a safe space where they can explore who they are. Instead of constantly telling young people what they should or should not do, listening to them first and allowing them to make mistakes may be the right steps to take.